Life as a single Mother-Empty nest, Dating, Ex-husband, Best Friends, Full-time Employment, Unemployment, night school...How do these all relate to one another? Come with me:

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Catching up

WOW has the month gotten away from me!
So much has happened since I posted last but I have had absolutely no time to post.

My baby turned eighteen on the sixth of December and made me feel as though this life is moving along at warp speed. I have now nearly solo raised three children into adulthood. No small feat but also the most amazing and gratifying thing I have ever done. My most prized accomplishment.

Her birthday was both wonderful and bitter. Her father has a way of spitting on any happiness they have. An absent father who is more likely to call them on his own birthday than on any of theirs, makes life hard. I can count on one hand the number of things beyond child support that man has done for his children. Included in that handful of joy are the number of times he has contacted them, either by letter, phone call or physical visits.
You would think that a text message to her for her birthday from this 'father' of hers would be a step in the right direction, but it was rather brought my poor girl to tears.
A little background prior to the message: The father of my children is now on marriage number three. I being his first wife, we have three children. He had two more children with his second wife with whom he also has little to no contact. Wife number three is a widow with four children of her own. Children whom are stop children to him and who have more contact with him than his own blood children. Blending families is tough, step-children require as much love and attention as blood-born children. And he is a wonderful step father.
However, his blood children are nearly non-existent in his life.
He has also recently joined a new church, one in which he is able to repent for the sins in his life. We know this because in the social website Facebook, he has been openly cleansing his conscience. His divorces, his porn addiction, and more.....
Apparently relationships lost are not one of those things he wishes to change. As I wrote recently about his relationship with his mother (also lost to this new church calling) and my kids. Also posted on this social website for the world and his/my children to see is day by day activity on a mission he served for this church.
Good for him right? Not so fast! This wonderful example of a father, is out preaching to the masses of a third world country on the importance of family. Hypocritical way to sling some shit right?
Of course my children take it with a grain of salt.... a grain that stings just a little in the open wounds he has created.
But- let's get back to her happy birthday text. It is an effort on his part right? well, it would have been..... had it come on the correct date, and free of excuses of his schedule being so busy. To busy to send a two minute text message to his daughter?
It takes more than one hand to count the number of times I have consoled the tears of my children caused by this man. I keep hoping it will get easier the older they get.... it does not. They love him dearly, they continue to hope he will be the father they think he should be, but they are coming to realize he may never be.

Christmas will be the tightest ever this year. Many a December I have spoken to my kids about the slimness of Santas pocketbook. Never have they been disappointed. With my continued unemployment, this will be the lightest Christmas yet... and yet, my now grown children are not concerned at all. They have voiced those same words I myself have spoken to them on oh too many occasions in the past.
We have never had a bad Christmas, it is all about being together, not what we get or give each other.

God but I love these kids!~


  1. My thoughts are with you. I understand the place you're in, the desire for your children to love both parents no matter what, and how proud you must be of the job you've done.

    And happy birthday to your 18-year old!

    You've done good. You've all done good.

  2. I am so sorry that he is being such an ass.

  3. Sorry to hear about your ex, but ---- Happy Birthday to your daughter! Good for you for being there all her life. Kids grow up fast. I have an 18 y.o. too

  4. Thank you all for the kind words. I guess this isn't really the place to vent when he cannot defend himself but without a place to vent away from the kids... I would go crazy.


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