I cannot explain the roller coaster of emotions this month has
I feel as though I am not, and can not cover the expenses I should be covering. As the head of this household. As the mother who chose to bring these now grown children into the world, and made an unwritten promise to take care of them until I leave it.
And I am not able to. At least not financially.
This weekend was bittersweet. Excitement for my daughter heading to college. I should be excited. I am excited. And I am also a bit sad. I am emotional because eighteen years has gone by faster than I had hoped. I am emotional because this is the end of my raising upstanding children and the beginning of them becoming upstanding adults.
But I am also emotional because I have no extra cash. No fun money to take her shopping for her first apartment decor. No fun money to help her get excited.....
It is taking the wind out of my sagging sails.
I now know that Merlot is not my wine of choice. At least not the Merlot we had on Thursday night. Maybe it is because I am a bit of a newbie to wines. But I prefer the White wines, and the Chardonnay's.
It was a fun experience. I learned what wine 'legs' are. I also learned what types of foods to eat with which choices.
Friday night was Texas hold 'em poker night at my aunts house with some family members and friends. As you can see by my rack my poker budget ($5.00) went as fast as my monthly budget....sigh
Although the temperatures reached into the triple digits, I felt freedom and a clear mind I haven't felt in a while. I am a warm weather gal.
And then we headed back home....
We will be headed that way one more trip before the end of next month to drop her off at school. And then, things will be awfully quiet around here.
I have become the parent whose children will see her on holidays. I am the parent who will prepare the 'guest' rooms for her kids. But I am getting ahead of myself.
I do have one still lingering here at home. But she works long hours which will most likely be opposite of mine if I ever begin working once again.
And so here we tread - into the next season of this life. I am still a parent- but with a different role.