Life as a single Mother-Empty nest, Dating, Ex-husband, Best Friends, Full-time Employment, Unemployment, night school...How do these all relate to one another? Come with me:

Friday, April 2, 2010

Part three of my story- Then a break.

Going back to school following the birth was not as hard as I had imagined. Even the girls who just didn’t understand my choices were very supportive. It was not difficult to see the babies in the nursery or in their mother’s arms in class. I was ok with this. I had done it.

T and I continued to date. We discussed how different we felt. How immature people our own age seemed to us now. We had experienced something that many adults had not. We survived it. Life went on. 

The teachers at my school created a panel of young mothers. The panel was to speak at some other local schools. Students in the local junior high schools ranging in ages between 12 and 15 would be able to attend a Q&A session with the young mother group. Because my situation was different and uncommon I was asked to be a part of the panel. The teachers approached me a bit apprehensively as they knew my emotions were still near the surface. They knew that it might be hard for me to discuss in front of a group of kids.

However, I was ecstatic. I had made my decision for adoption not for myself but for my child. Some say it was the most unselfish decision. But when asked to speak on the panel all that I could think of was, if I could help just one girl. I would face any ridicule, any embarrassment, and any emotions to do so.
The day of the panel I will admit, I was a bit uneasy. These kids were young, but could be cruel or possibly judgmental I knew. But there could also be a young person in the room, who may be placed in a similar situation and we could be of some help.

Although the other mothers on the panel were all keeping and raising their children, there was a good mix of personal situations. One girl, the youngest in our group was married but had just given birth to her second child. Another was still pregnant but alone, and no longer with the father. Another woman was in her thirties and was returning to school as a mother not necessarily a young one.  We all had something to bring to the group.

The meeting began pretty slowly. After we were each introduced and our individual situations explained, it was open-forum for questions. The kids were shy to ask questions, the panel was mothers quiet waiting for the questions. And then the questions started. Things like:

Why didn’t you use protection?
Where is the father of the baby?
How old are you?
Is child birth painful?
Is it hard to raise a baby?

I didn’t get a question for a while. I think they were afraid to ask. But once the first child asked me if I missed my baby, the questions began to roll. I took up the rest of the hour (unintentionally) answering questions about adoption.

One thing I remember was how mature the questions seemed. Some asked if abortion had crossed our minds. Honest truth is, I think it crosses your mind no matter where you stand on Roe v. Wade. Many things cross your mind when you are in that situation. It is a scary thing. You are thinking of any way out. It would be so easy to ‘make it go away’. Or maybe not. But it sure crosses your mind.

All-in-all I feel that the panel was very rewarding. For the students who learned the hardships that a quick decision can cost you. And also for the young mothers (not much older than the class) to feel a little less judged by their peers. I do not know if they had to have a parents’ permission to attend the panel meeting, but I hoped not. Or that if they did require it, that the parents saw the benefits and allowed their child to attend. I wish we could have met with every girl- and boy in the state.

I have children of my own now. I am very open with them regarding sex. I certainly hope they do not choose to have sex at such a young age as I did. I sat them all three down when my son was about 12, my daughters were 10 and 9 respectively. I told them everything. I explained what they may be seeing on TV. I explained feelings they may feel in their bodies. I also explained how and when it might be appropriate to act on those feelings. We speak openly still. A parent never knows for sure but I certainly hope that I have made it easier for them to come to me if they feel they are going to engage in sex.I may not be able to stop them. My parents couldn't have stopped me. But I can sure help them make better choices.

I feel very strongly about sex education. Whether they learn it in the schools or at home, and even better if they are getting it in both places. I have posted about it before. I have strong feelings because I have been that teen.

I hope that any parent who is reading this can at the very least see sex education from a different viewpoint. Open your mind some to the possibility of your child being the one who makes a mistake, a poor decision. How will you help them? How can you? Education is the key. Support goes with it.

I am not trying to say my parents were not supportive, nor were they ignorant. But open communication, as hard as it is is very important. I can tell you this with a 99% assurance, If your child tells them that they are sexually active, do not tell them that they need to stop. They won't.


  1. wow!! I think you are awesome!!! And you share a message parents need to hear!!

  2. Hey. You don't know me. I clicked on a link on a blog that I linked to from another blog. But I think you're really a brave soul to retell your story in this way. And I'm whole heartedly behind you in it's message. We can't assume that not telling out children about sex will keep them from being curious and even experimenting with it. Education is key. Thanks.

  3. Debbie- thank you again. It feels good to share.

    FAM- So glad you stopped by and left a comment. It is good to know that someone is reading my rabble. I tried to get to your blog but the link didn't work so I am leaving you a note here.
    I appreciate your kind words and I hope that is is helpful to someone.

  4. Wow ! Have I told you lately how much I love you?


  5. oh...oops...I'm really new to the blogger thing. Didn't realize my profile wasn't public. Learn something new everyday.

  6. For something that started out so difficult and at times just heartbreaking....YOU made your choice (good one by me btw-just sayin) and you faced it, took responsibility and then went on to face a fucking panel to openly talk about it?! My God have brass ovaries and strength that I find truely inspirational.

    Thank you for sharing this with us~
    Love ya

  7. Wow! What an incredible story. You showed such amazing courage at such a young age and also much courage in telling your story. A great message.

  8. BK- Thanks for stopping by. It is a story I hope will help others. But it made me who I am.

    Everyone please return - there is more to this story.


Tell me what you think: