Life as a single Mother-Empty nest, Dating, Ex-husband, Best Friends, Full-time Employment, Unemployment, night school...How do these all relate to one another? Come with me:

Monday, March 16, 2009

Where are the Bogarts and Sinatras?

My best friend pointed out to me while we were out one Saturday night, the fact that one of the main topics of this blog is dating and the fact that I have yet to write much about it.
There are two very good reasons for that.
First reason being that I have not been on a real date in more than a year.

Which brings me to reason number two:

Every other Saturday when my friend does not have her children, she will rush to get her homework done so that we can get dolled up and hit the town. (this used to be the case for us both before I completed my schooling this year.) It is a welcomed break for us both to get out and let-loose a little bit after a week filled with school, work, kids, and homework. Sometimes the people watching in itself is a stress reliever.

My friend and I have very different taste when it comes to men. The older we get the more we know what we don't like. But that does not necessarily mean that we have our sights to high that we count most man out.
We really are pretty rational in our expectations:
Someone handsome, not necessarily drop-dead gorgeous.
We are both 5'7 and would prefer a taller man (whom all seem to prefer the much smaller women).
Someone who can carry on a decent conversation that doesn't include video game standings and sports scores (we can get that from our own boys).
Someone who showers and brushes on a regular basis. We get plenty playing mommy at home. And last, someone with a job. I am at this time unemployed but I am not looking for a man to fill that need, and honey if you think I can support a sugar baby- think again.

The liquor laws in the state we live in, and the influx of a certain religion adds a different bite to the fun of just 'going out for a drink'. And somewhat limits our choices in venue.

The county that I live in, for instance, is approximately 2000 sq miles and there are only three establishments besides family restaurants where you can buy an alcoholic drink, even a beer. There are other really stringent laws regarding the sale of alcohol but that is not where this post is intended to go.

I rally do have a point if I have not lost you yet:
My friend and I, in order to get out, usually make the twenty-five mile drive (nearly double this drive for her) to a larger city where there are some nightclubs that we feel are worthy of the $5 cover. Every time we go out, we spend the entire ride into the city laughing and recollecting a past excursion into the club scene. Without fail, on every trip something happens. Not necessarily something that adds any notches to our bedposts, usually quite the opposite.

Our most recent adventure included a couple, and their single friend. My friend had befriended the threesome when she stepped out for a smoke. (smoking as of January of this year is no longer allowed inside clubs in our state, this is good news for an asthma sufferer such as myself and bad news for my friend- especially in cooler weather) The friends she met, although were senior to us by at least 10 years, seemed friendly enough and found us on the dance floor as they came in from the cold.

Most times my friend and I wind up dancing with each other in order to at the very least shed a pound or two on our night out. And as we heard a favorite song with a good beat, we hit the floor. And then... then third-wheel of their group, saddled up with that look that my friend and I have come to know well, much like a saber tooth eying a large rare rib-eye, and moved in to talk to us while we were dancing. The band was loud and he leaned in to say something to us both. Wrapping an arm around each of our necks and we leaned in to hear what great line he would feed us. We still do not know what he said as he pulled us so fast and so hard that he slammed our foreheads together leaving us with red marks. And headaches that lasted the remainder of the night. Needless to say the three of them continued to drink, continued to attempt to speak to us, or dance with us, or grope us. Then the problem becomes, that even though it is they who are acting so strangely, if we make faces, avoid them, push them away or ignore them, others around notice and then we are pegged. Pegged as the girls with the attitude. This is but one of the many many escapades we have encountered.

Generally I think that my friend and I come across as aloof or conceited. We are rarely approached by any men, when we are, they are the most unkempt, smelly, or plain unattractive men in the place. Readers reading this post may once again think of us as being closed minded and stuck-up. I assure you, that is not the case. We just spend a lot of time and effort to look really nice, although we both would like to drop some extra pounds ( my apologies for spilling that my unnamed friend but you wanted this post). We also have pretty darn good figures, me thinks, and well, think we at least deserve a look from someone equal to those standards. Is that wrong?

I hope that sharing funny and quirky stories of our girls nights out doesn't send the wrong messages about how we view others.

I am sure that I will be berated my men commenting on how hard it is to get up the nerve to speak to a woman in a bar and then get shot down. How humiliating they feel, how they never want to ask another woman again. I hate that I make anyone feel that way. However as I stated earlier in this post, those same men would be wise to look in the mirror and spend one ounce of the time on their own appearance, their demeanor and especially their manners.

I cannot say that all men are this way, we just don't seem to find the men that 'match up'. where are they?

I suppose it could be the establishments we frequent, however with a five dollar cover in every bar (soon to change) it gets expensive for a single mother. And who wants to shell out too much dough just to get the same results. We also try to go to places with a band, so that we can dance and try to avoid the generation Y clubs.

I suppose I should step off my soap box and get some opinions from the solo dads who may be reading this. I will end this post with a few short and a bit comical anecdotes of our adventures:

  • There was the night I was approached by a woman, dancing seductively towards me on the dance floor, when she got close enough, she whispered in my ear over the loud music: "I think you are really beautiful..... want to come home with my husband and I?" um- no thank you, not my style.
  • There was one Halloween, we did not wear costumes, we didn't want to be the only people dressed up like children in costume. When we showed up at the bar, we were about the only three in the place who were not dressed up. A man came up to our table and asked who we were supposed to be dressed like?.. thinking quickly I told him we were Charlies Angels. And we struck 'the pose'. It seemed to work because - we had a blond, a redhead and a brunette and well, maybe he was just too young to actually remember Kate Jackson? Well the highlight of the night came when he invited the three of us up to a private party being held in the karaoke room upstairs. After he took us past the two large men at the door who seemed quite peeved that we didn't have an invite...we lost him. Turns out, he also was not an invited guest, EVERYONE in the room was dressed in a very elaborate costume, aside from us, and to top it off, he ditched us. We felt a bit humiliated and strange. When we returned to our table below in the main room, he actually came up and asked us why we hadn't stayed. He then admitted he was not an invited guest but figured how would they know. Wedding crashers anyone?!
  • We have had men who are 20 years older hit on us and when you say politely that you are not interested, they do not stop there. When you ask if they went to high school with your father.. they don't stop. However this is also true of many men our own age and younger.
  • A lot of men think that it is OK, after drinking alcohol, to touch a woman in any manner he chooses. To speak into her face with horrible breath or incredible body odor. And then to insist that she is a stuck up *itch if she is not interested in what they have offered.
Let me say to the men, if a woman says no, she means it. If she says no to you, then you are not what she is looking for, and if you continue to insist that you are, then you are even MORE unattractive. No matter what a woman is wearing, if she wants you to touch her, she will most likely touch you first. If a man does not know what a shower, a toothbrush or a washer are, then he will need to find a woman who is also as ignorant.

This post is quite negative, I understand that. Believe me, I would much rather write about the positive experiences we have had. I am not looking for prince charming in the clubs, I am not so naive as to think that is where the best men hang out. But is it so much to ask for a nice conversation, a dance or two, with someone with even half of the intellect or hygiene of the women he hopes to engage? Just a nice evening of drinks, discussion, and the mere possibility of a future dinner date?

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