Life as a single Mother-Empty nest, Dating, Ex-husband, Best Friends, Full-time Employment, Unemployment, night school...How do these all relate to one another? Come with me:

Thursday, September 1, 2011

I've always been an independent person, but that independence was in the setting of security. Patricia Heaton

A little over a week has passed since her first day in a new school. A school which to an eighteen year old looks as gigantic and daunting as that grade school did to the tiny five year old.

And yet the excitement and energy of independence is flowing through her veins as they did some thirteen years ago.

Of my three, she is the child most self-assured. The last of my three babies, the one I hoped to hold the longest was the one who didn't like to be coddled. Wiggle and squirm, until set loose.

Her first episode of autonomy at the young age of six. Bent stick in hand, a bandanna tied to the tip. weighed down by its contents: a change of shirt, underwear, a stuffed animal from the fair, and a can of peas. She stated she was leaving. Brought on by the insistence of a clean room.

She made it as far as one trip around the subdivision block. Home in tears.

Her first day of elementary school, was not to be shared. Not only was I working and she in daycare, she did not need me there. She was all grown up and didn't want the kids to think she couldn't go it alone.

And now, she is a little further than that.

She is independent, she is strong, she is oozing will power and self-determination. And yet-------

She has called nearly every day.

Not because she needs me. She is faring well.

She calls because she wants to share this new step in her life with me.

Among the teasing of her room-mates, about calling home. She calls to share her experience with her best friend. The friend who has been with her and behind her every step of her life. Her mother.

The older she got, the more she cuddled. It could have been the divorce, or just life's challenges but she never lost her autonomy.

I feel blessed. My children turned out ok. I feel proud, they are all upstanding adults. And I feel humbled, they all converse with me on a regular basis- Because they want me to be a part of it all.


  1. That she wants to share this with you is so wonderful. It must make you feel incredible.

    My elder son is like your daughter. Has always been astonishingly independent, and yet when he left for college he called much more frequently than expected - to tell me all about what was going on. He still calls just to chat.

    My younger - now on his own far, far away (and always the more dependent?) - now nearly a week passed - he called once, when he needed something. That was it!

    I imagine he's very busy, and perhaps has more to prove relative to his independence. I don't know. And meantime, I will let him decide when he wants to text or call. I'd love to hear, but this is his time, and I imagine he'll share what he wants when he's ready.

    How is it possible for kids to be so different? How is it possible to miss them so much?

  2. Yes, in an earlier post I describe the immense differences between my kids, and yet in so many ways they are the same. I am sure that your younger son is in part proving to himself that he can handle this new found independence which it seems that your older found long ago. I do feel incredible!

  3. Mine haven't left home yet, university beckons this time next year... I hope we will all manage it as well as you!

  4. Thank you for the comment Haus. We manage because we have to right? And happy to do it.


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