Life as a single Mother-Empty nest, Dating, Ex-husband, Best Friends, Full-time Employment, Unemployment, night school...How do these all relate to one another? Come with me:

Thursday, January 8, 2009

This isn't good or bad. It's just the way of things. Nothing stays the same. -Real Live Preacher, 2004

One of my favorite movies/books of all time is The outsiders- by S.E Hinton. The Robert Frost poem used in the story seems to fit my post. If you are not familiar with it, here it is.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Robert Frost
This photo of my foggy drive in to work this morning, says a lot of my thoughts and brain function today.

I had a hard time sleeping last night, lots of thoughts spinning in my head. Here is a post that I posted on my school reunion website as I know they are possibly going through the same 'growing pains' or will soon. Here is a portion of that post:

I graduated at the age of 17, was married the summer I turned 18, had my first born just one month before I turned 20. Two more children followed 21 months and then 19 months later, respectively.
I used to joke that all my kids would be 18 and moving out by the time I turned 41. My Prime. Then it would be my time to play.
Here I am just months from my 40hh birthday, my oldest is already far across the country. Last night my second child interviewed for a summer job which will take her to another state for four months just following her 18th birthday in May.
My baby will be 18 in less than 2 years and this is probably the most emotional time ever! I'm not ready to let go!

Of course I have been lucky and have wonderful kids; we don’t fight enough for me to warrant a break from them. And even if we did, I would still feel emptiness. Of course being a single mother puts a little more spin on the 'Empty nest'. All I know is being a mother. Now it is time to enter a new chapter, and it scares the hell out of me. (pardon my french)

Don’t get me wrong, this is the time in my life where I feel the most confident and secure in my own life and self. Where I feel as though I know where my future lies. But it doesn’t make the absence of my children easier.

This is hard, letting go. Is it loss of control? Is it fear of being alone? Is it that being a mother is all I know? or is it I am feeling my age and don't like it? I'm not sure. But- this too shall pass. And damn it! I am one proud momma!

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