My son

The picture above is of my oldest, my son, and my youngest daughter. For the past year and a half my sons home away from home has been Ft. Riley Kansas a long way from home, from me. My son arrived home for a short visit on July 5th just one day after we celebrated this country's independence. He was here for just over two weeks and left on the 17th. This picture was taken that day. The last day that I saw him. The last day I will see him for a year. 365 days.

This alone would be enough to make a mother sad and depressed.

This past Sunday he turned 20. We are almost exactly 20 years apart. He was due just days after my 20th birthday but came 5 weeks early. We are both entering new decades in our lives this year.

But my son is a man now. My son is also a soldier. He will be leaving on a plane headed for Iraq (the last group to go) very early this Saturday morning. I knew this day would come but I was always able to push it out.. now I cry.

I have had a hard time with this. I am so close with my children, we have battled divorce, financial struggles and so many other struggles together all these years. We are more than just a mother and her children, we are friends. We really LIKE doing things together. Or doing nothing, as long as it is together.

Over the past 12 years there have been frustrating moments as a mother when I would just step into my room, shut the door and cry. Sometimes being a mother can be trying and scary. Times when you don't know why they are acting up. Times when you think their bad behavior will never end. Or times when you think they will never grow up or understand simple instructions. And all you can do is have a good cry, stand tall and face it head on.

Then they grow out of that. They become the man that you imagined them to grow into. You are so proud of them. And then they leave for their own adventures and frustrations of life.

Nobody prepares you for raising children when they are a handful, no one teaches you how to cope when they have the upper hand.....
And no one can ever prepare you for the pain, the fear and the sleepless tear-filled nights when one of them is sent across the globe for an entire year.
No one can ever prepare you for the feelings of anxiety for his safety when placed into a literal firing range. A long way from the safety you can offer at home.- Out of your control.

Please let him come home to me the same as he left.
Physically,
Mentally, and still
My happy, loving, gentle little boy.
I love you son. PLEASE take care, be safe, and come home to me.