When you think they will make a Mistake

I believe one of the hardest things to do as a mother is to support your children even if you know it may be the wrong choice so that they can learn for themselves.

Last weekend while my parents were in town, we made a stop at the store for a wrap that would match my daughters new prom dress. It is a halter neck and the school dress code requires that shoulders are not bare. It was a fun but quick trip to the store and also a three generation group with my mother, I, and my daughters.

This may sound absolutely absurd, but when we couldn't find any material or short jackets that matched the rainbow of colors in her gown, we happened by the housewares and linen section of the store and believe it or not, a curtain panel in the exact colors, and fabric as her dress... strange I know, to wrap a curtain panel around my daughter, but it is just a panel of material and already hemmed. I will post pictures in a future post and you can judge for yourself.

But- the point of this posting is far from that. The issue is a boy my daughter, a senior in high school is dating. I try my best to be there to listen to my children, to be a sounding board, and offer up my opinions and suggestions but I also try not to meddle. They are all getting old enough to make their own decisions with a little guidance from me.

I have mentioned on this blog before the difficulty having dating age daughters without a father figure in their lives, this week is no exception. Although that is not to say it would be any easier if there was a father here.

Here is a synopsis of the discussion:

Me: "I have not heard you mention _____ lately. What is going on? Everything o.k.?"

Daughter: "He is mad at me right now."

Me: "Why is that?"

Daughter: "He doesn't like that I am going to Texas to work this summer. He says he doesn't DO long distance relationships and it will never work"

Me: Well I was proud to hear that you told him you were going anyway and that if it was meant to be that you would be together when you got back. That it was important to you."

Daughter: "Yeah but I don't want him to be mad at me."

Me: "I know, but you will regret it if you give up your dreams for him. Especially at the age of 18. You have to follow your own path and if he is with you then that is great."

Daughter: "It is hard. He also doesn't want to take me to Prom. He hates dances, says he feels stupid when he is dancing, like everyone is watching him. So he wont go. The last dance he went to with me, he was a jerk and ruined the whole night."

Me: "I know. But if he doesn't like to dance, he should support that you do, and that your senior prom is a very important day to you. That really isn't fair of him."

Daughter: "Well, another friend of mine found out that I would be missing my prom and offered to take me, but ______ said If I go with him, we are done. Then he told me that his ex girlfriend asked him so he should just go with her, and then I can go with ______ and we will both get to go. I told him that was stupid, that if he was going he should just go with me, that the only reason I would go with _______ was because he wouldn't take me."

Me: I think this is all jealousy talking here and jealousy can be a terrible thing. Even more so at age 18. You are too young to go through this stress. High school is for fun and joy. You need to do what you think is right, but I think you will regret it if you miss your prom, because HE wants you to. I love you and hate to see you hurting but I think this is controlling behavior on his part and it is abuse.

Daughter: "Yes I know. But I don't want to make him mad at me."

I walked away and let her have some space, I had told her all I felt that I could. a Little later, she mentioned something about buying prom tickets in advance. I Asked "Are you planning on going to your Prom?" Then she said yes, I don't want to miss it. ( I think she is going with the 'friend' not the boyfriend.'

Senior Prom is next Saturday, one week from tomorrow. I am hoping with all my heart that it is a fairytale of an evening for my daughter. I will post pictures and hopefully a great story of her evening here.