A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Bob Hope

Money has been on my mind more than ever lately.

• Being a single parent can make saving money difficult as many times there is barely enough to pay the bills.
• Marrying young can put a real strain on your pocketbook as rookie paychecks and minimum wage doesn't go far.
• Going back to school as an adult can add to the stress of debt unless you are one of the lucky ones who qualifies for waning government assistance.

There was a time I was not what you would call budget savvy. I would open a bill, write a check and send it off. I rarely checked the bill for errors, rarely kept my register up to date or balanced it with my bank statements. And paid the price.

Things got worse when debit cards became my payment of choice. It was an inconvenience to keep good records,  when swiping the card was so quick. I had little ones to raise, school assignments due and house work to keep up with.

But divorce, low single income, and rising costs of raising three kids solo when child support was slow or non-existent forced me to change my bad habits.

Numbers are still not my strong suit. But I have come a long way.

There is no way I would have made it through being unemployed for over a year without being frugal with my expenses and diligent with my bill payments. 

As a society, there are many pressures. Unemployment (for many long-term), insanely high gas prices, ever increasing tax rates, it seems everything is increasing these days. Directly proportional to the decrease in size of almost everything you pay for these days- a large pizza just isn't what it used to be. But I digress.

These pressures have forced us to take a closer look at what we are buying, what we get for the price, how it affects us and how long it will last us.

I have tightened this belt tighter than the smallest notch will allow... and I am not talking about waist size.

Squeezing every last drop out of the turnip of this crazed life. And that turnip is about to run dry. 

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And yet- concurrently, I am doing the best that I can to send three young adults out into this Nation full of debt. And I am not just talking about congressional debt. Although isn't that a horrible example set?
Many citizens themselves are guilty of many of the same habits. Many American's could use a debt ceiling. 

There are bailouts for everything. 

Bankruptcy, credit card debt relief, unbelievably inflated lawsuit payouts.

And many, turn around and do it again as soon as the debt is relieved.

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My own children are learning about budgeting somewhat from the school of hard knocks. I have given them the advice I can. They surprise me with their maturity. That does not mean they do not make poor choices. And just as in every other aspect of their personalities and lives, they are all three different.

My oldest was thrown into the solo living much younger than his sisters. Joining the army at the age of seventeen and with yet another year of high school to complete, he struggled the most. Military bonus's and pay being nearly twice the pay of his fast food employment checks. But it didn't last long with a teenage appetite. Not just food, video games, paintball, the latest movies...etc.

I have to wonder if some of that didn't come from the fact he was raised by a single mother who could not afford a lot of those things.

But now, a true adult, and old enough to vote. We spoke recently, again of budgets and saving and bad choices. He came to me. I am proud of him, just wish he could have seen this sooner. But, he is not in debt.

My second child working a full time job, making a slim check, has had to help out a little more with the finances than I hoped she would have to. She is in debt, a car. But never a late payment. We are working on a budget for her as well. She would like to start school soon. But she is doing tremendously.

And then my youngest. She is a saver. She is working a part time job, saving as much as she can but she will be headed to college herself this fall. A down payment on an apartment, some essentials such as towels and sheets and she is also out of money. For now.

But they know. They know what it is like to struggle, they know that sometimes we just cannot afford it. They know what credit is and what is good or bad about it. They do not use credit cards and neither do I. They know when to say no.

I wonder, when blinded by the thought of the American Dream, how many American's do not understand.

If you cannot afford it, do not buy it. Because you may be in a situation similar to mine some day, and it sure helps not to have a pile of debts to add to the stress.

Sleepless summer nights

This summer has been a whirlwind. The time is flying by. I am enjoying the time with my girls, my son will be home in less than a week ( we last heard) but the job hunt has been a slow one. I have spent some time studying for a license in another career field which will probably just be supplemental unless I can make a real go of it.

The past week has been pretty typical summer weather in the desert region. Even with the Rockies in my back yard, I live in the desert. We have had scorching heat in the triple digits. Thank god it is a dry heat as I don't fare well with humidity.

The summer rains falling between the scorching days makes for some great relaxing quiet time. The smell of summer rain is fantastic. Warm enough to dance in if you feel so inclined. And we have. the cooler night air, the smell of the rain, the slight breeze in the windows sure can lull you to sleep.

But it can't wash away the stresses of unemployment and money issues. All those midnight thoughts running through my head about upcoming school fees and needs. I cannot tell you how many nights the past couple months I spent running over my bank register in my mind, paying bills in my head, and working out money shifts from one account to another... it is what we do right? At the most in opportune time, the wee hours of the morning.

Then we feel sluggish and tired the next morning and the last thing I feel like doing is studying for a test or interviewing for a job possibility.

I learned a trick a few years back.. possibly on a mid-day talk show. And it works well on such nights.

First: get into the most comfortable position.
Make sure you are comfortable in all ways, temperature, covers, pillow fluff...
Then you need to slow your breathing:
Breathe in through your nose inhaling slowly, and fill your lungs.
Then out- through your mouth just as slowly

By this time you should already begin to feel a little more relaxed.
Concentrating on your breathing will keep those pesky thoughts from intruding.

Then Start mentally counting:
No not sheep! Start at 100 and count backwards.
Slowly but not too slow that you lose interest or let the thoughts in.

I guarantee before you get to the number one... you will be enjoying a great nights sleep.

I usually only make it to about seventy-five even on the most stressful of nights.

Try it for yourself.

I know we all have rough nights.

I would love to hear your feedback.

Employed Once Again

I just accepted a job offer yesterday morning. It is a great job. I cant help but feel a little bit bittersweet. Being a single working mother, I have worked full time since I was 18 years old. I love to work. I'm not really a stay at home type. Sure I have enjoyed being able to sleep in if I wanted, and to run errands in town which are a bit of a hassle when working and they are only open during work hours. I have also enjoyed very much being home when my girls get home from school and able to run them to and from school on the bad weather days.

The job I have accepted will be a full time job approx 30 minutes each way from home. They mentioned that there will be some late nights and some working Saturdays.

I am really OK with working, even long hours. I love what I do. But I also love spending weekends with my kids. I am one of the lucky parents. One who's kids don't abhor hanging out with them. And each day that goes by, I realize it is a short matter of time until they are too busy with their own lives, jobs and eventually families to have as much time to hang out. these days are precious and I don't want to work them away.

Of course all of this is projection. I don't even start the job until next Monday. It is great pay, it is fun and challenging work, and it pays the bills and keeps me from going insane with boredom. There will be challenges: sharing a car, getting to daytime appointments, and others.

On the flip side, (sorry it is the Libra in me) I have always had these same struggles. But for the job I have worked for the past 3 years, I have always had to juggle appointments and getting home from a commute.

One previous job I had which was a commute, I worked at most of my adult life, was far enough away from home that I had to work out a lot of arrangements if the kids were sick or had performances or doctor appointments in the daytime. At that time, my parents were also close and helped out on occasion. They are no longer in the area.

But, regardless of all of this, I am excited to start this new job, this new chapter in my life. It seems from my interviews, that I can make a real difference in not only the design of new products but also the productivity and efficiency of the company and manufacturing itself. If that is the case, there just may be no more weekends and late nights.

I hope that all these years of work and school, doesn't make my children resentful of my lack of time but rather teaches them good work ethic and that you can truly do anything you set your mind on.

Uphill both ways

My most impressionable years were in the nineteen-seventies and nineteen-eighties. With my younger years being impressed upon by prime-time television families such as the Brady Bunch, eight is enough and wonder years. Later in my teens, there was a little more independence with big hair, neon clothing and MTV.

At the time, we were unaware of just how great things were. I didn't grow up in an upper class family and we were barely in the middle class but in the eighties, in my small town, it did not matter. We spent hours ratting our hair into huge styles, guys included. We spent hours on end at the local shopping mall. However, money was not important to most of us. Most fun could be found on a dime.

Fun for us would be riding our bikes across town to see friends, stopping in at the school sports meets, or just plain driving around town saying hello to friends who worked in the local hang-outs. Just plain 'hanging out'. Life was just easy.

Cheap cut-off shorts, tee shirts, stretch leggings and high top tennis shoes and you were in fashion. Friends were not worried about what you paid for your clothing, more so about what cute boys would we see while walking the mall.

We didn't spend hours on end in front of the computer because most of us didn't own one. When cable TV came about, we spent a lot of hours watching MTV or HBO but it was usually reserved for Friday and Saturday nights relaxing after being out building forts all day in an empty lot.

Kids today, including my own, cant understand how we ever got along without the technology of today. As a single mother on a budget, my kids have never had the latest gadgets. A few years ago I broke down and added a line to my cell phone account for all my kids to share the line in case we were in a crowded venue or if they ventured out on their own and needed a safety net. Within the first few months, my oldest daughter had run up a $1200 bill calling and texting with friends. Lesson learned. She still has a phone, as do my other two, but a $25 unlimited plan has saved my sanity. There is just no way to control that. What would she say if she were tethered to a cord?! Or limited to a 15 min phone call as my parents would allow- god forbid!

I think of myself as a technologically savvy mother, I work in 3D design on a computer for a living. And well, I blog you know. But I cant help but see the huge gap between my and my kids generations. I can recall conversations from my past with my parents when I was younger. They would tell me that I had it pretty good. And, well, I did! And my children more so.

My children will not know this until they possibly have children of their own. They will also never know what it is like to do a school book report by actually reading a book or encyclopedia at the library. Google, to them, is the library. They will never know what it is like to build clubs and forts in the empty lot next door. Population growth has left few empty lots, and those few that are left are littered with no trespassing signs probably due to vandalism or injuries resulting in lawsuits. And they will never know what it is like to just hang out- this does not in any way sound fun to them. Cruising main street?! what?

I wish my kids could experience the swimming in a watering hole, swimming in cut-off shorts as I did as a teen. digging in the dirt or snow in order to make clubhouses... not these new fangled dollhouses that are miniature mansions. I wish they could experience more of the simple things I did in my youth. Maybe my parents feel the same.

I have done my best to instill in them, the value of money, and hard work at the same time showing them some of the best things life has to offer free of charge. And we have done a lot! Just wish there was more time for more. Without a phone stuck to their ear.

I would never spend hundreds of dollars on a hair cut, I would never buy a pair of $200 shoes. But time together, in our cut-offs at a swimming hole or fishing pond, soaking up the sun, that my friends is priceless.- Seriously- ever been to a crash derby? or a rodeo?

As a single mother you could say we have always been in a deficit, we have always needed a stimulus plan, and we have not wanted for anything because all that matters is us.

Another Year older and deeper in debt....

OK. I know that isn't how the song goes but, that is how I am feeling today. Teenagers are expensive! Here it is, Friday- yah!, Pay-day- yah!, and my birthday- yah! and I am flat broke!

Yes, on pay day! As soon as the money hits my accounts, it is gone like a wave. It is bad when you are depressed on your birthday - not because you are another year older, but because Christmas is but a few months from now and the savings account is depleted.

Now, don't get me wrong. We don't live a life of poverty, we have food, shelter, even cable TV. A big part of my being penniless is the shiny wires glued onto my beautiful girls teeth to make them that much more gorgeous. And the endless dollars paid for their school group functions that are over the top, and for their group trips to places I have yet to go. We live a great life. My kids don't always have the latest gadgets, the designer clothes, or a car of their own (gasp). But we do fine.

The kids are not close with their father, he lives too far, doesn't call enough, and doesn't know what to say when he does. He pays support because he has to. It is taken from his checks. He doesnt know that it doesnt go very far.

But he also doesn't know what he is missing.

Because he also doesn't get to say 'I love you' with hugs every morning and every night, (his choice). He doesn't get to see them grow taller and more intelligent with every passing day. He doesn't get to hold them when the latest boyfriend or girlfriend breaks their heart. He doesn't get to see them perform their talents in color guard, and drama. He doesn't get to play dress up and hair salon this Saturday when the girls go to homecoming. He doesn't get to give the boys the 'be good to my daughter and have her home early or else' glaring stare as pictures are taken on the stoop... and oh so many more memories and emotions too numerous to mention.
nope- these are our memories.

And I wouldn't trade them, not for all the money in the world (pardon the cliche').

Second thought.... I am the richest woman in the world.