I've always been an independent person, but that independence was in the setting of security. Patricia Heaton

A little over a week has passed since her first day in a new school. A school which to an eighteen year old looks as gigantic and daunting as that grade school did to the tiny five year old.

And yet the excitement and energy of independence is flowing through her veins as they did some thirteen years ago.

Of my three, she is the child most self-assured. The last of my three babies, the one I hoped to hold the longest was the one who didn't like to be coddled. Wiggle and squirm, until set loose.



Her first episode of autonomy at the young age of six. Bent stick in hand, a bandanna tied to the tip. weighed down by its contents: a change of shirt, underwear, a stuffed animal from the fair, and a can of peas. She stated she was leaving. Brought on by the insistence of a clean room.

She made it as far as one trip around the subdivision block. Home in tears.

Her first day of elementary school, was not to be shared. Not only was I working and she in daycare, she did not need me there. She was all grown up and didn't want the kids to think she couldn't go it alone.

And now, she is a little further than that.

She is independent, she is strong, she is oozing will power and self-determination. And yet-------

She has called nearly every day.

Not because she needs me. She is faring well.

She calls because she wants to share this new step in her life with me.

Among the teasing of her room-mates, about calling home. She calls to share her experience with her best friend. The friend who has been with her and behind her every step of her life. Her mother.

The older she got, the more she cuddled. It could have been the divorce, or just life's challenges but she never lost her autonomy.

I feel blessed. My children turned out ok. I feel proud, they are all upstanding adults. And I feel humbled, they all converse with me on a regular basis- Because they want me to be a part of it all.

She's Gonna Make it After All

First week in college for my baby and she is doing fine.

Still looking for a part-time job for monthly utilities and essentials but no panic attacks yet.

As a recent student myself, I realize that the bulk of the work does not come in the first week. However, she has made good friends and seems compatible with her two roomies. She has completed her coursework and even worked a little ahead. She has walked the campus and is aware of those offices which will offer her the aid she will require.

And- she is happy. She loves it there.

Thank goodness for social media sites such as Facebook and for cell phones. We have been in touch often.

That eases my mind quite a bit.

This house? It is definitely empty. My older daughter is here although she works and has her own agenda and activities.

I even went on a date. It was more for fun and to get out of the house than a date that might go somewhere.. he is MUCH too young for me. But it was nice to get out and just let loose for a night.

 "The times they are a Changin'.

Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you. " Walt Whitman

The day has come.
I dropped my youngest off at her first apartment yesterday.
Bittersweet.

She is surprising me in so many ways. So responsible.

If you had asked me about her perhaps a year ago, I would have said she would never make it.

She will begin her first semester next week.

She is a bit nervous but ready. She has gone through a gamut of emotion this week. Crying emotionally, before we left home, saying she was not ready to leave home. Excitement at walking the campus, purchasing books, decorating her new temporary home.

I am not sure it has hit me yet, how empty this house will be. There is one left. My middle child. She is rarely home herself.

The house seems so much bigger.

Moving her felt as though we were moving a circus. packed until the poor truck could hold no more. And yet, most of her room is still as she left it. Most of her furnishings are here ready to see her at holiday breaks. The difference being no clothes on the floor. The room is the cleanest it has been since she took over the room when her brother moved to the basement.

I will miss waiting up for her at nights. I will miss her sleepy face with tousled hair waking on the weekends looking for coffee. I will miss snuggling with her on winter Sundays while watching movies.

And yet, I cannot wait for her to experience this new phase in her life. I cannot wait for our Sunday morning scheduled calls to catch up. Or other unscheduled calls when she needs just a little bit of help from home.

We (my father and I) tried to make her stay as comfortable as we could. Take away the stresses that would hold her back from having the most rewarding and fun experience thus far.

It is not easy on her. It is not easy on her mamma either. But it is also so exciting.

I love her and I am proud!

Pitiful creature of darkness, what kind of life have you known? God, give me courage to show you you are not alone!

I attended the production of Phantom of the opera. My youngest daughters high school put on a fabulous production.
She had an opportunity in her first directing gig. Assistant Director. I couldn't be more proud.

They went way over budget but the sets and props and costumes were of the quality of an off-Broadway show.

I will be attending again next Saturday with the little brother of a long time friend. Here are some shots.

Absence from those we love is self from self - a deadly banishment. William Shakespeare

What a great weekend!

We headed south for a four day weekend to watch my youngest perform in the annual Utah Shakespearean Festival.

She rode down with the school Thursday morning and we drove to my parents just one hour south of where she would be performing.

We spent some time with my parents for two days while she attended workshops and then on Saturday we drove up to watch her perform. After her performance, they had a few hours of free-time. We drove up into cedar canyon to decompress at Navajo Lake. It was the perfect time of year and the perfect time of day. Absolutely gorgeous.

We then left her there for the rest of her workshops and encore performances,  and returned to my parents house. Later that night I returned to pick her up following their awards ceremony. Their ensemble group took second place and her school took first place over all. Way to go Vikings!!! It was a lot of fun. The scenes  were great.

The rest of the weekend was fun and filled with activity. We could not have asked for better weather, DesCartes fit right in with us all and we laughed and just played all weekend.

We even took the time to create a small celebration at precisely 10-10-10 10:10am. Just because we felt like it. It is life's little celebrations that makes it lively and fun.

I hated saying goodbye to my parents. It is always hard but we will see them again soon.

On our way home, we stopped so that my kids could see my ex's family. My ex (the father of my children) lives in Alaska and is not a large part of my children's lives. However, rarely do you divorce the 'family'. It is important to me that my children have the chance to know both sides of their family and heritage.

They had not seen each other in a while and it was nice to let them stop to chat for a while. My ex's mother was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis about six years ago and her health has deteriorated at an accelerated rate since then. I find it sad that my ex has lost his relationship with his mother especially in her condition but find it to be in their best interest to ensure that it does not happen with my own kids.

We arrived home late last night, missing everyone terribly but it was nice to sleep in our own beds.

Back to the old grind.

A phone call that changes your perspective.

This morning I received a call. I almost ignored it as I was in the middle of some work and figured it was a telemarketer considering the time of day.

And then the news. 'Christopher was hit by a car!' Wait what? 'He was on his way from school and he is in stable condition.'

Christopher is my only sisters youngest. He is 16 almost 17. A bit of a reckless spirit and as they just moved near my parents, in unfamiliar territory.

I called my dad. I figured he would not be as 'involved' in the craziness as my sister.

He had indeed been hit by a car. It was his first day of school. He left the school grounds on his lunch hour and was headed back and in a hurry. Not uncommon with him, shortcuts. He had attempted to cross a four lane street, too impatient to cross at the intersection.

He was hit. I don't know all of the details but he ended up on the hood, cracked the windshield with his body and then to the pavement. He was conscious through it all. Which is good and bad.

Taken by ambulance to the hospital, his cuts were stitched, he was well bruised. His left non-dominant arm was aching. Further examination showed one dislocated and one fractured bone in his lower arm.

He has grown up in a very small town all of his sixteen years. They just moved to a much larger city a few months ago. Certainly the traffic is much busier. It may be hard to change that small town attitude.

Tonight he is resting, spending the night of his first day of school in a hospital room. I am so grateful he is OK, that he was not hurt worse. I hope too that he learns from this. Learns to slow down, to be more cautious and  what I seem to learn a little more every year on this earth. Time and life are precious.

And, he will have some great stories to tell in his new school, when he returns.

My little star

My youngest wants to be the next Audrey Hepburn. She may just make it- If she works hard. Thing is she cant seem to get a speaking part in the plays.
Last night we attended her school's rendition of Shakespears Much Ado about Nothing. She was a towns person and also in a dance ensemble. But she LOVES it. She loves being a part of the group, part of the cast.

Drama students are a different breed of kids. They are what they are and dont care what others think. An although they may act totally crazy sometimes, do things like create sharpy (yes the brand of markers) masks and parade through the local mall. They are a lot of fun and a very talented group too.

Last nights performance was amazing. So much better than the past high school performances I have been to. Shakespeare plays- other than Julius Ceasar and Romeo and Juliet is pretty new to me. I have not seen many of his creations. It is a different language for sure. Old English with a twist.

But it was a great story of love and innocence.

Some of these kids were just at our house a few weeks ago in different costume- Halloween attire. Maybe one day I will see them in their own style. Maybe.

The crew has spent the past few weeks everyday at 6 am, everyday after school, and some Saturdays rehearsing, and building this incredible set. You would swear you were in Old England. Mr.Shelly, the drama teacher/coach put a lot of hard work into it and it paid off.

 

They took first place in most of their scenes at the National Shakespear festival this year.

Every scene, and my daughters Ensemble group took home a prize.

Way to go guys!

Great acting, great set.

If only I had not been so darn tired from work.....

But it was a great way to end the week....then I woke up to this!

The first snowfall of the year. It was early so the pictures are not very clear.

 

The dogs love the snow.. I suppose I would to if I could never take off my fur coat.

Welcome to November in the Rockies!