Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal. John F. Kennedy

My heart goes out to those facing the wrath of Hurricane Irene. It seems it was not as bad as feared and the casualties are low. However there were some casualties and that is more than you hope for.
There will also be possibly months of clean up following the storms. Thank goodness she decided to rear her head in fair weather rather than the dead of winter.
If you are in the area, I wish you well.

We were expecting our own storm (much smaller of course) here on the home base. My best friend was celebrating a milestone birthday and as we are both low on funding these days, decided on a day at the lake about a mile from her home.

A beautiful day and a much needed break. Fresh air, friends and nothing to do but enjoy the day.

It was a bit warm and we ended up swimming with the fishes. riding in the boat and just enjoying the sunshine.
Those are the times when you know things have to turn out ok. A great chance to breathe the fresh air, enjoy others company, soak in some Vitamin D from the sun and just let the worries leave your mind for a day.

And that is exactly what we did.
My daughter had to work and came up late in the day. She got her hair cut short and she looks fabulous. But then, I am biased and could never see any of my kids not looking fabulous.

Rounded out the day falling into bed a little early. Absolutely exhausted. Only to be woken up an hour later by my frightened dog. The storm we had expected earlier had hit and the thunder was too much for her. After approximately an hour of dog wrestling in my bed, I drifted off again.

Followed by the strangest dream I have had in a long time. I do not usually remember my dreams. This one had a lot to do with my ex husband and his taking over in my life. I literally woke up confused. He is a very small part of my life and has been for a long time. So I really don't understand the meaning of this dream... if there is one.

However, this Sunday morning, coffee and computer in hand, I am relaxed and hopeful. The air is fresh and clear from the late night storm, my mind is clear also. Ready to take on another week...please let it come with a job offer.... a PAYING job offer.

Catching up

WOW has the month gotten away from me!
So much has happened since I posted last but I have had absolutely no time to post.

My baby turned eighteen on the sixth of December and made me feel as though this life is moving along at warp speed. I have now nearly solo raised three children into adulthood. No small feat but also the most amazing and gratifying thing I have ever done. My most prized accomplishment.

Her birthday was both wonderful and bitter. Her father has a way of spitting on any happiness they have. An absent father who is more likely to call them on his own birthday than on any of theirs, makes life hard. I can count on one hand the number of things beyond child support that man has done for his children. Included in that handful of joy are the number of times he has contacted them, either by letter, phone call or physical visits.
You would think that a text message to her for her birthday from this 'father' of hers would be a step in the right direction, but it was rather brought my poor girl to tears.
A little background prior to the message: The father of my children is now on marriage number three. I being his first wife, we have three children. He had two more children with his second wife with whom he also has little to no contact. Wife number three is a widow with four children of her own. Children whom are stop children to him and who have more contact with him than his own blood children. Blending families is tough, step-children require as much love and attention as blood-born children. And he is a wonderful step father.
However, his blood children are nearly non-existent in his life.

He has also recently joined a new church, one in which he is able to repent for the sins in his life. We know this because in the social website Facebook, he has been openly cleansing his conscience. His divorces, his porn addiction, and more.....
Apparently relationships lost are not one of those things he wishes to change. As I wrote recently about his relationship with his mother (also lost to this new church calling) and my kids. Also posted on this social website for the world and his/my children to see is day by day activity on a mission he served for this church.
Good for him right? Not so fast! This wonderful example of a father, is out preaching to the masses of a third world country on the importance of family. Hypocritical way to sling some shit right?
Of course my children take it with a grain of salt.... a grain that stings just a little in the open wounds he has created.
But- let's get back to her happy birthday text. It is an effort on his part right? well, it would have been..... had it come on the correct date, and free of excuses of his schedule being so busy. To busy to send a two minute text message to his daughter?
It takes more than one hand to count the number of times I have consoled the tears of my children caused by this man. I keep hoping it will get easier the older they get.... it does not. They love him dearly, they continue to hope he will be the father they think he should be, but they are coming to realize he may never be.

Christmas will be the tightest ever this year. Many a December I have spoken to my kids about the slimness of Santas pocketbook. Never have they been disappointed. With my continued unemployment, this will be the lightest Christmas yet... and yet, my now grown children are not concerned at all. They have voiced those same words I myself have spoken to them on oh too many occasions in the past.
We have never had a bad Christmas, it is all about being together, not what we get or give each other.

God but I love these kids!~

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. ~Albert Camus

Rarely have I had wonderful weather on my late September birthday. Yesterday was an exception.

With all the precipitation we have had this summer, the colors this early autumn are brilliant.

My children spoiled me yesterday it was a nice role reversal. As I have stated in past posts, my time with them under my roof is limited.

The entire day was mine yesterday. One on one time spent with my youngest until my older daughter was off work was priceless.

My mother sent a package to be opened by my girls and presented to me in a creative and fun array of small 'gifts' throughout the day beginning with a wake up call with party horns and singing.

The girls continued to surprise me throughout the day. Flowers, gifts, games, and all ending with dinner out and a surprise guest (my best friend and her kids).

I am a lucky lucky woman.

September 2009- Autumn's dawn

What a month this has been....
I am ready to move on and leave this month behind me.
I have rather been anticipating unlike most friends my age, the anniversary of my fourth decade on this earth.

This past Sunday Sept 26th, I turned the wonderful age of 40. I think forty is a good point in life. My children are all but grown. I have finally finished up my night school after eight years tiring and long nights. My health is good. Let's not count the common cold which always hits this time of year not the few extra pounds I tend to gain over the winter months each year.

I was not prepared for the events leading up to that day however... I have had better days.

The month began when my transmission in my only car began to act up. The car, which is a 2001 model looks great, and is still on loan. However it has just turned over 166,000 miles and well, we take a lot of road trips. After having it looked at by a friend of a friend who made some adjustments in order to buy me some time. The car ran well again.

Until the 9th of this month a day I will never forget. That was the day my car began to really act up, that was the day which caused me to spend weeks getting my affairs back in order, and that was the day I lost my sense of security.
Following the burglary,many days were spent cleaning up the mess, getting my money back, and getting back to a point I could attempt to come up with a game plan to fix not only the car but some other much needed house repairs.
The car was making the same noises but still driving well. At the advice of friends, driving on borrowed time. My son being in Iraq in its own way is a lucky break in such that we had on extra car available. I let my daughter drive the 'limping' car to work and I drove my sons. Until I received a call that it had stalled on her.

We are now, sharing a car and I wake an hour or two early in order to get her to work and for now, she gets a ride home. Closer to my birthday I figured nothing else could go wrong and began to get excited again. My best friend and I were planning a great party with many people I have not seen in a long time.
Two days before the party - the actual date of my birthday- I came down with a horrible head cold. Everyone it seemed at work was sick, my daughter was sick... I really needed this party, I really needed this time with friends in order to keep my spirits up.
I managed to sway the cold away just hours before the party. Things were looking up again. Many guests RSVP'd that they would not be able to make the party for varying reasons. Sickness, other plans, out of town, among other reasons. But with a list 77 people long, I couldnt wait.

My best friend (the host) and I arrived right on time. We had a great celebration although... as MY luck would have it, only a handful, 7 people were in attendance.
Of course I dont need a big crowd to have a great time, and I know that the lack of attendance had no bearing on how close the friendships of those guests are. But the way that my month had been so far, made it a bit of a bummer.
But I love my friends, and I love my life, and although over the past 14 or so years, life has been much harder than it has been easy. I would not trade my life.
I am just hoping.... that the broken down car in my yard gets fixed soon without putting me in the poor house. that the rotting roof of my house gets replaced before it begins to leak and turns into a bigger problem. I hope that this month. This September 2009. This autumn of the median of my life, begins to change, that the colors turn that things begin to come my way.
Just this once.
(As I sit here to type this, I am home sick from work- it is back)

Another one becoming an adult

My older daughter turned 18 today. I don't feel old enough to have two kids who are no longer kids.

When I was pregnant with her, I was a young mother of a boy just turning a year himself. I was 22 years old, in my second year of a two year degree in college and my husband was on active duty serving a 5 month stint in Germany for desert storm. By the time May rolled around and she was ready to meet this world he would not be home for another month.

My due date was not for another 7 days, I was due on my mothers birthday and although it would prolong the swollen ankles for another week would have loved to have her on that day. But on the seventh, after showering for my doctors appointment that afternoon my water broke, in a slow leak sort of way (sorry to the squeamish) and I still arrived at my appointment and waited for the doctor to tell me to 'get to the hospital right away' even though i was alone at my appointment.
I was already dilated three sonometers (not sure that is correct?), and feeling no pains what so ever.
My first pregnancy had some complications but the labor pains for me seem to be mild and late coming.
I walked into the hospital doors and checked myself in. I still remember the look on the nurses face as I told them I was in labor. And surly showing no signs.
By the time they had me in a bed, the pains started, my mother and mother in law showed up and less than 45 min. later, she was here.
As a baby, she was a spitfire, her mild mannered brother didn't have a chance with her.
Now she is turning eighteen, and facing her own future and I could not be more proud! not only is she mild mannered but so caring of others, so tender hearted.
Happy Birthday baby!
Although I miss my little girl, I cant wait to see how you tear your own path in this world.

Friday Night Blues--- Aqua?

My baby turned 16 on Saturday December 6th, 2008. She wanted a party but didn't want to break the bank of her poor mother right before Christmas.

Here she is in her birthday suit. I mean- the outfit she got from me a day early so she could wear it to school. The sash was her sisters idea so she could announce her birthday at school. A fun thing when you are 16- as opposed to 39. (Not that I would know, I am completely guessing how a 39 yr old would feel- must suck to be that old)

When my older daughter turned 16, we were in a similar monetary famine and had opted for a karaoke party. This would save us a lot of money because we had the sound system already. (I have moonlighted as a Karaoke DJ a few times for spare change, and we have a 350 disk set with microphones and the whole deal). The only thing we ended up spending money on were, Balloons (Helium tank supplied by a man who was in my life at the time), some snacks, and $50 to rent the old recreation hall down the street.

This party however, was a little bit more challenging as my daughter had invited 40 people and this time of the year, EVERYTHING is booked. So, our 1000 sq.ft house was the scene.

Luckily, only a handful of the invited guests could make it, which was better as they were her closest friends anyway. The party went off great! A friend of mine showed up to help me keep an eye on things, which was more of a chit-chat session for us due to the smaller attendance.

Rachel had a busy schedule the preceding week, running tech (lights and sound) for the Christmas programs at school two nights, then she worked on Wednesday and Thursday nights until closing. So Chantel and I went shopping for and decorated for the party for her. Here is the food spread , which was gone in seconds flat! i certainly didnt buy enough for all the teenagers and thier bottomless stomachs.

The cake!- To me, was a fiasco- But to Rachel, it was great!
A friend of Rachel's, has a mother who works in the bakery of a local grocery store. She had offered to make a special cake for Rachel, in lieu of a present. Sweet of them to offer such a thing. The week prior to the party, they even let Rachel come up with her own design, and as she loves the color aqua, that was her choice of frosting color. They even mentioned a tiered cake. Great huh? BUT! Fast forward to 2 hours before the party- Rachel calls and informs me, that I need to pick up the cake, the girls mother had to work and they wont have time to drop it off. Also, that they are tight on money, and just cant afford to 'gift' it after all.

Side note: I know all about being tight for money- I know all about feeling the pinch this time of year.. But, I don't offer to pay for something, for someone if I cannot follow through. Needless to say, it was for my daughter, already made, and to her specifications ( I was a little concerned because I know how my daughter can be when left open with options) So, I went to get it.

I met the other mother, sweet lady, she was so proud of the cake. Nothing was said regarding payment. She ran to get the cake, showed it to me, and explained how she had created it as Rachel intended (minus the tiers, which turns out, cost way more). However, It was difficult for me to keep a straight face as she opened the lid. BORING, not even artistic, I cant bake, I cannot write legibly with frosting and yet, I could have made a MUCH better cake. The hardest part for me was, I was worried Rachel would be disappointed. Even though my children are not complainers, they take what they get without complaint 99% of the time. Also the fact that I could have bought another cake, a better cake, somewhere else at a LOT cheaper price had we been offered this one. I guess you should not look a gift horse... oh wait, this was not a gift!
I brought it in the house, entering with all the disclaimers to ease Rachels reaction. An how the cake does not make the party.. but ..... Rachel LOVED it! Whew!

The party went off with only a few minor quirks, a last minute dash to the neighboring town to pick up one guest, A sad and confused guest who chose to entertain by shooting staples into his arm then lying outside in the dark in the middle of the street. Great timing too just as one parent was arriving to pick up thier child and see him in their headlights. And me ( the bad parent chaperon) on the porch goading him back into the safety of the party. I guess I wont be nominated as PTA parent of the month.

There was also a small tad of teenage drama, from a guest who was not even on the invite list.

But- Rachel had the time of her life! And that is what is important is it not?

Presents were opened, wishes made, She really has some thoughtful and very close friends. Her 'guy' is the one in the white shirt at her feet. He gave her jewelry- and the comments from some of the other males at the party made me think they were told (I assume by him) NOT to get her jewelry. Am I the only one who finds that a tad bit creepy? and clingy? Hmmm better keep a close eye on this one. Many Pigs were seen at the party, no- not the guests!- they are Rachel's 'thing'. No Rachel, you still cannot have a pot bellied pet. - And yes- that is a gift bag on her head. Drama students are a whole different breed I say.
Tears were shed for a few more personal gifts. Awwww. Poor girl, you got your mothers Genes.

Next, the party moved back to the kitchen to 'the cake' Sparkler candles were lit, scared the crowd a little, then 'The wish'. It took about 10 minutes for her to get up enough wind to blow them all out.

Deven, her 'guy' made the mistake of saying that he wasn't really a cake person and didn't want a piece. Next thing he knew, Rachel was insisting he have some. REALLY insisting! Note: Although I'm slow and the camera slower still, contrary to the following picture, he did NOT shove this into his own face.

And then: Retaliation

And then: The 'Best Friend'
(Note the cell phone usage in the forefront- there was more of this at the party than all the other activity)

Another friend
Then:- All hell broke loose!

The 'Guest of Honor'

Yuck! Yuck! and more Yuck! Aqua Monsters!

Note to self: Don't put drama students and cake in the same room! However, I feel better about the cake now. I know, I know, let it go.

The end of the night, there was cake EVERYWHERE! We are still finding aqua frosting, ( I insist on saying aqua just as many times as Rachel did when deciding on her party colors.. not blue- not green- AQUA!)

It is also relative to the number of times that one guest mentioned his 'brand new socks' Which i am nearly positive was a Freudian slip regarding his mothers potential reaction upon seeing Aqua frosting on them. He (and most of the males) managed to avoid the frosting war for a long time, cowering in the next room, but it was futile.

Rachel ended up jumping in the shower, clothing and all, to clean up. Some of the guests washed, some went home aqua-fied!

Just after the 'cake fight' one parent arrived, to the girl I had picked up prior to the party, in her abercrombie hoodie. I watched out the open front door as she approached their car, covered in 'Aqua frosting' I heard laughter and breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. I am sure you could hear the breath leave my lungs to the next county! So far- no angry parent phone calls.

However, we ARE still finding frosting, aqua colored, all over the house in the strangest places, in the pantry, on the shower curtain, under the bathroom sink, under the couch, and so many more I am sure we will be finding it until her 80th birthday! When we sell the house we will have to put it in as an incentive to buy.
A few crime scene photos -For the court case:

I am happy to report, the the mess was quickly cleaned up by the crew! Mostly the boys while the girls were cleaning themselves up in the bathroom. SWEET! cant ask for more than that! And they did a great job! Even the guy with the 'brand new socks'. (I suppose once you have a spot- there is no use crying over aqua stained socks!)
After the party- When all the guests had headed home to scrape the hardened frosting from their scalps, feet, between thier toes and off thier faces, the dogs, who had watched the whole party from the outside of the sliding door, were let back in. Like a tornado, they ran through the house sniffing EVERYTHING, the smell of teenagers and party food, and candles and ...

Then they both came to a dead stop!

And discovered that this funky green- er Aqua, stuff on the floor actually tasted yummy! And all that was left from the clean-up crew, was lapped up in a matter of seconds!
The birthday was a success and went off beautifully.
Happy Birthday Baby!!!! I love you!
But I think I have hit my Aqua er ---quota!