I peruse the job pages every day, more than once a day. And see the same postings that I don't qualify for, I have already applied for, or have nothing truly to do with my credentials over and over again.
I recently worked a contract, a short contract position which put a bit of savings back into the depleted empty account. A small sense of security.
It isn't that I do not have skills. I have two degrees. There just aren't open positions available in my area. And I am not at a place in my life that I may relocate. and I don't WANT to relocate.
I have, in my unemployed state, had opportunity to spend quality time at home, with the kids. I have, been able to get to a lot of the 'projects' that have never been completed at home for lack of time.
And there are those things that are not getting done. Those things that I just don't get to. It isn't that I don't have time. I have that. Of course there are those things that are not done for lack of funding... but there are also those things that I don't get to because I just don't feel like doing them.
It could be that I have no deadlines to push me forward.
It could be that I have no care.
It also may be the simple fact that I have a bit of a broken spirit.
There is something to be said about an alarm clock going off in the early morning hours.
There too is something to be said for a 'light at the end of the tunnel'.
But unemployment is like a dead space. No light to be seen. No deadline. No need for alarms they just make the day longer.
Soon I hope to be writing about a new adventure. A new job I love.
For now, forgive the lack of postings.. there is little going on in order to fill the pages.
Someday is not a day of the week. ~Author Unknown
I know exactly where you are and how you feel. Two years worth of it. And it is about a broken spirit, or at least, one that is badly bruised.
ReplyDeleteI have no wise words to offer, except that I understand. And don't feel badly on the days when getting things "done" just feels like too much.
I understand your feelings but if you do not set limits and guidelines yourself no one else will. It is so easy to get down and not want to get up but you have to. Only the small steps each day will show you the path to travel so imagine where you want to be and work towards that each day for an hour. I do not want to sound like Nike but Just Do It.
ReplyDeleteBLW- Thank you, it is definitely a help to know that I am not alone. It is indeed just once in a while but really isn't like me.
ReplyDeletePolwig- Thank you too. I wouldn't say it is at the point for anyone to be concerned necessarily, or write a prescription for wellbuterin. It is just a bit disheartening knowing that I am the sole support for this household and I am not able to hold up to that standard. Gets me down.