I feel as though I am not, and can not cover the expenses I should be covering. As the head of this household. As the mother who chose to bring these now grown children into the world, and made an unwritten promise to take care of them until I leave it.
And I am not able to. At least not financially.
This weekend was bittersweet. Excitement for my daughter heading to college. I should be excited. I am excited. And I am also a bit sad. I am emotional because eighteen years has gone by faster than I had hoped. I am emotional because this is the end of my raising upstanding children and the beginning of them becoming upstanding adults.
But I am also emotional because I have no extra cash. No fun money to take her shopping for her first apartment decor. No fun money to help her get excited.....
It is taking the wind out of my sagging sails.
On the up-side of this weekend. I attended my first ever wine tasting. I now know that Merlot is not my wine of choice. At least not the Merlot we had on Thursday night. Maybe it is because I am a bit of a newbie to wines. But I prefer the White wines, and the Chardonnay's.
It was a fun experience. I learned what wine 'legs' are. I also learned what types of foods to eat with which choices.
Friday night was Texas hold 'em poker night at my aunts house with some family members and friends. As you can see by my rack my poker budget ($5.00) went as fast as my monthly budget....sigh
So relaxing.
Although the temperatures reached into the triple digits, I felt freedom and a clear mind I haven't felt in a while. I am a warm weather gal.
And then we headed back home....
We will be headed that way one more trip before the end of next month to drop her off at school. And then, things will be awfully quiet around here.
I have become the parent whose children will see her on holidays. I am the parent who will prepare the 'guest' rooms for her kids. But I am getting ahead of myself.
I do have one still lingering here at home. But she works long hours which will most likely be opposite of mine if I ever begin working once again.
And so here we tread - into the next season of this life. I am still a parent- but with a different role.
wow..so many thing happening! I really get the financial part! it is hard being the bread winner..and having seen it all so differently!!!!! I do not even want to think about my kids going to college and their needs...let alone them all leaving home!!!! sending kindred thoughts your way...
ReplyDeleteDebbie, there are so many out there fighting the financial woes in this economy. Add to that a single income or worse, unemployment and it gets tough. Empty nest is much harder than i ever thought it would be. You have a little while yet.
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you on my version of that same roller coaster. And trying, through it all, to teach some lessons about money, to my younger son. Not easy. Really not easy. Especially when you're trying to keep things balanced, and not let the backdrop of stress (reality?) color lessons that need to be taught dispassionately.
ReplyDeleteThen again, I sometimes think that dispassionately does our kids a disservice. Maybe seeing the real fear, the real emotion - sensing the consequences isn't a bad lesson.
I just don't know. And regardless of lessons, I wish he were seeing a mother successful at providing for the family again - regardless of the reasons and circumstances that put us here.
There are times this beautiful country feels like a very bitter land indeed.
Oh BLW, true words you speak. I definitely think that kids at any age can see and feel how their parents are 'dealing' with crisis. They may not feel what we feel but they understand. As in my last post, I see differences in all three of my kids. The one who wants to get himself all that he missed out on, the one who wants to 'fix' things and the one who is bound and determined never to be in that situation herself.
ReplyDeleteWe all take from life lessons what we do.
I know it does not help but my son was the slowest to learn about money and budgeting. Or if not learn, make changes based on what he learned.
Definitely it is a disservice to hide or ease the true burdens we face.
I suppose we should hope not just for change in our own circumstances, but also that our countries leaders will soon make the changes necessary that our own children will not feel worse burdens.