Holiday Blues

“The best Christmas of all is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up with one another.”




I have been doing my best to keep from dragging the positivity of this blog down with constant banter on my unemployed status and the frustrations and discouragement that comes with it.

I am a positive, and glass is half full personality type and truly think that a positive attitude can make a huge difference no matter what obstacles you may be facing. Although I get no satisfaction out of others pain, the thought that 'things could be worse' or that 'someone else may be fighting a harder battle' does bring me some comfort in knowing that for every negative I may be facing, there is also a positive that makes me that much richer and happier.

I currently struggle with the guilt, and inferiority of sitting home day after day unable to find work and knowing that I am the sole person responsible to ensure that my children are supported and safe and taken care of. Thank the heavens above that I live in a country that provides for unemployed workers. Even though it adds to my guilt to receive those benefits. It is enough to pay the monthly bills.

But now we are coming into what should be one of the happiest times of year. A time with family, a time for closeness and a time to show those you love- more so than on a regular day- how much you love and appreciate them.

Over the years as a single mother, the holiday have been tight in the pocketbook, but never have I faced a year when I could afford nothing, not even the holiday meal. That is the case this year. It breaks my heart. I have been blessed with the most appreciative and understanding children. Never have they complained when times were tight. The holidays are always full of love and caring. But in a way it makes the guilt that much more difficult to face. Why should they spend a lifetime compromising merely because their mother cannot find work? Cannot afford to give them the Christmas they deserve?

But as I stated, we have always enjoyed the holidays. It is a time that we spend together. We have always found inexpensive or free ways to spend quality time together with each other and with extended family. And that time is priceless. For anyone who may be in a similar situation I have put together a list of some of the ways we have created lasting memories for next to no cost:

• Decorating the house together while playing and sometimes dancing to Christmas carols.
• Baking yummy Christmas treats, trying out new recipes and sharing with neighbors.
• Working at a soup kitchen, sub-for Santa or just helping out an elderly neighbor with snow removal or shopping
• Popping popcorn and threading strings of popcorn and fresh cranberries for the tree. These can also be hung outside for winter birds to feed on.
• Snuggling together under a blanket, drinking hot cocoa (spiked with rum for the adults) and watching old classic holiday films.
• Driving around town viewing holiday lights and decorations- Most cities have lists online of the best houses.
• Baking and painting salt dough ornaments together and hanging on the tree. 
• Building a snowman, sledding, or in warmer climates playing a family game of football or baseball 
• Reading holiday stories or feel-good stories together each one taking a turn to read. Even better if you have a fireplace.
• Playing old classic games such as Chinese checkers, Old maid, Chess or scrabble together
• Invite a guest for dinner, a lonely elderly neighbor, an old friend you have lost contact with, or let your children each invite one friend who may need a boost.
• Passing on old traditions your children that your parents passed on to you- And then create your own.
• Practice some classic Christmas songs and then go caroling in another neighborhood or a shelter.
• Throw a Christmas treat party- Invite each guest to bring 20 or 30 of their favorite Christmas treat, heat up some hot cider and share the joy.
• Take some family photos outside in the weather, or using props such as reindeer antlers, Santa hats or the treats or snowman you have built together. Print out inexpensive copies add a stamp and mail Christmas 'postcards' to friends and family.

Every year we come up with a few new ideas to make the holidays fun and exciting no matter the budget.

“Until one feels the spirit of Christmas, there is no Christmas. All else is outward display - so much tinsel and decorations. For it isn't the holly, it isn't the snow. It isn't the tree not the firelight's glow. It's the warmth that comes to the heart”

If you have any to share. Please comment below.

“Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.”

Oren Arnold Next week is Thanksgiving and I truly have so much to be thankful for! Family, health, great kids and parents, unemployment benefits and a truly happy fulfilled life. I wish you all the same

Make Believe vs, Real Life

The older I get and the more I experience in this life, the wiser I grow and the more I see things through different eyes.
Let me explain my most recent realization of this.

As I have mentioned here, I am a recipient of o mail-order video rental and have added a few of the 'oldies' to my list. For two main reasons:

1. Either I have 'always wanted to see it' and never did, or else I HAVE seen it, maybe more than once, and loved it so much I want to see it once more.

2. The other reason is that I love sharing my favorites and potential favorites with my kids.

The latest rental was a movie I saw for the first and only time as a young adolescent, I believe I watched it with my mother who is about to celebrate her 45th wedding anniversary in less than a year. There is a point to all of this stay with me.

The movie of the week, was Kramer vs. Kramer. an award winning movie with award winning actors starring in it. I cannot get enough of Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep?! Has she ever HAD a bad role? srsly.

The first time I watched the movie, I was not married, let alone lived through a divorce, and certainly never thought about having kids of my own.

But this past weekend, watching it for the second time, I am not only a parent, but a single parent. And not only a single parent but a woman who has been through a rather tough divorce, and a custody battle in its own rights.

Unlike the custody battle in the movie which just brings tears to my eyes, my battle was more a battle to get their father to see his kids.
In the movie, Dustin's character starts out as a father who is disconnected from his wife and child, busy at work but also seems more comfortable staying at work with fellow office comrades than being at home playing the husband/father.
Meryl's character is overwhelmed with a sort of single parenting while he is working late every night and then staying late to catch up with friends.
This I can relate to very much. There really is such thing as a married single parent in my opinion.
Later in the movie, they seem to take a walk in each others shoes. However without completely spelling out the storyline here, lets just say he becomes the dad he should have been all along and then they both end up fighting nastily for their child full-time. Until the ending....

When I first told my girls that this movie was so old, that I was younger than they are when it came out, they didn't seem too interested. They were busy on face book or finding a snack. But the longer it played, they were drawn in.

It is crazy how you see it all differently when you have felt that pain. And lord knows we have.
But there was also a hope in the story, that kids do make it through just fine. And that sometimes, dads who don't make very good dads, surprise us.
Of course we are still waiting for the father of my children to be their father. To be more than a guest at their graduations, or weddings. To feel more like a parent than a long lost uncle.

But, I am glad we rented this movie. we laughed at the hairstyles and seventies bell-bottoms. We cried when they fought in court and when his son seems to be the most adult of all of them.
By the way, points for the cute kid.
Move over Jerry McGuire!
I must have really been on a Meryl Kick- From Sophie's Choice, then Mama Mia, and now Kramer vs, Kramer. All great acting and writing.

Next on the rental queue: Places in the heart- Another movie rerun. Sally Field is one of my favorite actresses of all time. I want to meet her.

Never confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent. - Marlon Brando

I never met a dame yet that didn't know if she was good-looking or not without being told, and there's some of them that give themselves credit for more than they've got. - Marlon Brando, A streetcar named Desire

Since beginning my Netflix account last year, I have a whole bevy of movies available to me at the click of my mouse and a days mail. Lately, my youngest daughter and I have begun watching some of the old black and whites. She even received a few musicals for Christmas.

Last night, I watched a movie I have been wanting to see since I was about 15 or so. Our family had just signed up for cable television and on Saturday and Sunday afternoons my mother and I would settle in and watch movies. One day, she was watching an old black and white (which in my teen years was a bore!) so I had only watched a few minutes then headed off for more exciting teenage things such as flipping through a teen beat or something.

But that small glimpse of the movie stayed with me. I later heard about what a great icon Marlon Brando was, and heard that the movie itself was a classic!

I had to see it!

And the verdict? Not a bad show at all, interesting, great writing.

But- Brando! oh my!!!

(although I cannot find a picture that is not copyright)

He was definitely a man's man. I realize that this man could be my grandfather. And I realize too that he is no longer living.

But that didn't stop my heart from going pitter patter.

Sigh!