We are not alone

The past year has been a trial for me. As I have beaten a dead horse about.....

Over the past 14 yrs I have struggled as a single mother. Money was tight and the kids went without a lot of the extras. But nothing has been quite as hard as this past year.
Unemployment does not stretch near as far as one might think. But I am blessed to qualify for the benefits. For now.
It will not last forever, and I wouldn't expect that it would. But without it, I and my girls, would be on the street.
In my years as a single mother, I prided myself on never taking a hand out. Never did I seek out government support or charitable gifts.
There were always families worse off than we were. As long as there was a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, heat to warm out bodies and food to fill our bellies, we were rich.
But as this year continues on, those are seemingly becoming more and more luxuries.
Eight years I have spent in night school. Long nights studying after the kids were in bed. Working towards a higher degree of education and a dream of one day giving my kids more than they have ever dreamed.
And now, those dreams are just that. Dreams of using that hard earned degree- not for extras, luxuries and fun and travel.... Just a hope that it will some day land me a job just to catch up once again. A dream that I will not lose the house I have been able to hold onto solo for so long.

But I am not alone.

On the heels of the latest US unemployment rates exceeding 9%, and my own home state not far below that. I recently read an article in Reuters. For America's "99ers," jobs crisis is hard to escape

"Mary Kay Coyne has just filed what she says is her 1,862nd job application since being thrown out of work three years ago."


I am not far behind Mary Kay. I believe that I have also posted approximately one thousand resumes and applications for jobs which are often outside of my usual expertise and often at a much lower pay grade. Just to once again get bread on the table. 


I am not alone. 


But, sufficed to say, I have high hopes. Things have to turn around soon. Right?

Pitiful creature of darkness, what kind of life have you known? God, give me courage to show you you are not alone!

I attended the production of Phantom of the opera. My youngest daughters high school put on a fabulous production.
She had an opportunity in her first directing gig. Assistant Director. I couldn't be more proud.

They went way over budget but the sets and props and costumes were of the quality of an off-Broadway show.

I will be attending again next Saturday with the little brother of a long time friend. Here are some shots.

Make Believe vs, Real Life

The older I get and the more I experience in this life, the wiser I grow and the more I see things through different eyes.
Let me explain my most recent realization of this.

As I have mentioned here, I am a recipient of o mail-order video rental and have added a few of the 'oldies' to my list. For two main reasons:

1. Either I have 'always wanted to see it' and never did, or else I HAVE seen it, maybe more than once, and loved it so much I want to see it once more.

2. The other reason is that I love sharing my favorites and potential favorites with my kids.

The latest rental was a movie I saw for the first and only time as a young adolescent, I believe I watched it with my mother who is about to celebrate her 45th wedding anniversary in less than a year. There is a point to all of this stay with me.

The movie of the week, was Kramer vs. Kramer. an award winning movie with award winning actors starring in it. I cannot get enough of Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep?! Has she ever HAD a bad role? srsly.

The first time I watched the movie, I was not married, let alone lived through a divorce, and certainly never thought about having kids of my own.

But this past weekend, watching it for the second time, I am not only a parent, but a single parent. And not only a single parent but a woman who has been through a rather tough divorce, and a custody battle in its own rights.

Unlike the custody battle in the movie which just brings tears to my eyes, my battle was more a battle to get their father to see his kids.
In the movie, Dustin's character starts out as a father who is disconnected from his wife and child, busy at work but also seems more comfortable staying at work with fellow office comrades than being at home playing the husband/father.
Meryl's character is overwhelmed with a sort of single parenting while he is working late every night and then staying late to catch up with friends.
This I can relate to very much. There really is such thing as a married single parent in my opinion.
Later in the movie, they seem to take a walk in each others shoes. However without completely spelling out the storyline here, lets just say he becomes the dad he should have been all along and then they both end up fighting nastily for their child full-time. Until the ending....

When I first told my girls that this movie was so old, that I was younger than they are when it came out, they didn't seem too interested. They were busy on face book or finding a snack. But the longer it played, they were drawn in.

It is crazy how you see it all differently when you have felt that pain. And lord knows we have.
But there was also a hope in the story, that kids do make it through just fine. And that sometimes, dads who don't make very good dads, surprise us.
Of course we are still waiting for the father of my children to be their father. To be more than a guest at their graduations, or weddings. To feel more like a parent than a long lost uncle.

But, I am glad we rented this movie. we laughed at the hairstyles and seventies bell-bottoms. We cried when they fought in court and when his son seems to be the most adult of all of them.
By the way, points for the cute kid.
Move over Jerry McGuire!
I must have really been on a Meryl Kick- From Sophie's Choice, then Mama Mia, and now Kramer vs, Kramer. All great acting and writing.

Next on the rental queue: Places in the heart- Another movie rerun. Sally Field is one of my favorite actresses of all time. I want to meet her.